Divorce and Children

Divorce and Children – The Right Tips How and What to Tell Your Children about Divorce

The rate of divorce has been slowly declining since that peak. At that time, the rate of divorce was about 5 per 1,000 women.

The divorce rate has been climbing in every industrialized country in the world. There are two significant factors affecting the rising divorce rate in the United States and elsewhere:

• men and women are less in need of each other for economic survival, and
• gains made in birth control allow men and women to separate sexual activity from having children.

divorce court

A variety of factors are producing the current leveling off of the divorce rate.

Robert Hughes: It is important to note that while divorce increases children's risk for a variety of problems, not all children who experience divorce have problems.

Robert Hughes is an Associate Professor and Extension Specialist in the Department of Human Development and Family Science at Ohio State University. For the past 20 years, he has conducted educational programs in family relations for family life professionals, and for family members themselves, with a primary emphasis on families at risk, family stress, and single parenting. 

Children from divorced families are more likely to have academic problems. In adolescence and young adulthood, they are more likely to have some difficulty forming intimate relationships and establishing independence from their families.

Whether you use children's grades, standardized test scores, or dropout rates, children whose parents divorce generally have poorer scores. Importantly, children's actual performance on tests consistently shows this difference, but results based on teacher or parent reports are less likely to show this difference. School success has long-term implications for children's success in life, and so it is important to find ways to support children from divorced families. 

How and What to Tell Your Children about Divorce

If you and your spouse are contemplating divorce, you may be unsure how to break the news to your children, or how much to tell your kids about your pending separation.

Be Honest

The best way to answer any questions your children may have about a pending divorce is honestly. You can tailor your answers based on your children’s age, but be aware that divorce is an awkward and confusing time to kids as well as adults, and keeping important information from your children will only cause them to resent you in the future.

After you’ve explained your decision to divorce or separate, make sure that you let your children know that they can talk to you about their feelings.

Don’t Speak to Soon

No matter how old your children are, the news of their parents divorcing could still confuse, sadden, and even anger them. Many times, parents forget that divorce is a family affair, and that a mother and father separating will dramatically change the family dynamic.

Make your child feel secure

Children tend to feel unwanted or unloved when their parents are divorcing; kids blame themselves for divorce, and feel that something they have done has caused their parents to separate. Letting your child choose who they would like to live with will take the pressure off your children, and make them feel a little more comfortable with the divorce.